ready for a long one?

To start off, I must apologize for the last blog being blank!! Apparently if one puts in a title and then pushes "enter" (as I did by mistake) instead of "tab" or setting the cursor, you get a blank blog---I am so sorry!!

What a time I am having now! Monday was Oncologist appt and chemo. For the record, the chemo (this time anyhow) was 3 and 1/2 hours and while long, is not all that bad. I can doze or talk to the nurses or the person who brought me. I can even eat lunch (from Panera which I love) or watch a DVD (which as many of you know, I don't love). If the chemo is helping, I will do it! Of course 2 days later, I am feeling pretty crappy--headache, sore joints, overall pain. But, I can do this and it will help!

So, let's back up to the Oncologist. He seems to be a nice enough guy, not a lot of personality or any sense of humor. The chemo nurses say he is a great guy, very smart and always trying to learn--I am very pleased with that knowledge. Then why am I uncomfortable with the situation. Yes, I do have cancer and that makes anybody uncomfortable, but somehow it is more than that.

I realize that it probably is not a good idea for an Oncologist to get close to any patient since they lose so many. Also, cancer seems to be such an unknown that no doctor is ready to talk to you about real odds or the months (dreaming of years) that you may live. But still, I want more encouragement. I want to be told to get up off my ass and work on my body (and the best ways to do that!). I don't want a doctor who is surprised to hear that I don't spend most of my day lying around feeling sick. I want to know what I can and can not do physically, nutritionally, and mentally.

According to the Internet, less than 15% of lung cancer patients are around in 5 years. (About the same per cent of us that have never smoked and get lung cancer). I believe that is for all lung cancer. I want to know more about the type I have and what has happened to the others who have "been there, done that". I will be getting one more chemo (Oct 7) and then the doctor will decide what comes next (with my consent certainly). What are the next options: if x or y or z?

I would hope that anybody reading the last two paragraphs would be saying something like, "what a dumb shit you are Wil, you should have asked those questions at the appt." Exactly. Now why didn't I ask more questions and write down the answers? Why have I not been more involved in my cancer story? I wish I knew, but that is going to change. I am going to be far more proactive in my story in lots of ways in order to feel better about myself and to change the outcome!!

Anne and I watched a movie tonight--which I always need to be coaxed into doing. It was called, "Crazy, Sexy, Cancer". I did enjoy it because it gave me lots to think about (isn't that what makes a movie good?) like all the questions I did not ask. The ending is good, but the many ideas brought up are the best part. Like diet, mental attitude, physical work, etc. I don't believe that I will be going on a macrobionic diet soon, but there are so many things and ideas that I have not yet explored.

I definitely know two things tonight: One, I need to renew my thinking and put this battle into a higher gear; and, two, tonight's thinking and this blog have gone on long enough--I can tell because my butt starts to sweat!

thanks for listening.