Happiness is two puppies........

......Evelyn and a trampoline! Although actually 2 dogs-- but they used to be puppies!

And goodness knows I need some "happiness". This week I have seen 4 doctors and I see one again tomorrow! Let me give the short story!

Monday was at OSU to talk to the oncologist. Went pretty well--talked mostly about doing clinical trial and the lower pain in my right side. OK, start the trial soon and the lower pain cannot be explained so I should see a specialist!

Well, my first "specialist" is always my long time doctor and good friend Mark who was able to see me upon return to A-town and after looking me over got an appt with a surgeon. Surgeon says "I also don't know what that is but let's empty you out and get a look." Ouch! I have been this route before! So yesterday the condemned man ate a hearty supper and only liquids today including some really fun drinks to "clean me out"!

Went back to Columbus last night to check out a meeting of the "living with lung cancer" group. Big Problem: they moved the meeting and nobody knew where! Sometimes OSU is just too damn big and confusing! No food today and a visit to the Integrative Doctor. My blood work shows that I still have some problems---in spite of taking more supplements than an experimental monkey--apparently my diet is still not "right"!

So besides lots of doctors and trips to Columbus all I am going to get for sure this week is a pain in the ass--tomorrow morning at 10:30! I have gone through this before, but it could certainly ruin a guy's weekend.

Kind of a lost week in some ways, but I have learned things. I don't feel very bad for a guy who not only hasn't eaten, but is definitely "cleaned out". Then this evening "In Comes Evelyn" with her enthusiasm and ideas. Before she and her mother went back home she had to try out Grannie Annies new excercise trampoline!

Nothing like a Grandaughter to lift one's spirits! I am ready to learn more things tomorrow and hopefully to see Evelyn afterward. Good times they are a coming.

Could this good looking lad.........

......be negative?? Well, I dunno, but on rereading the last blog I can see why several people have told me that it was quite the opposite of positive. I really didn't mean it that way.

So now I am preparing mentally and physically for my visits next week to the two very different doctors I have at OSU. I was all set to pull the trigger on clinical trials (and I still might) when a friend gave me the Suzanne Somers book, "Knockout". Now, before you discount it offhand as I originally did, let me give my "read" on this thing.

Yep, she is some kind of a model(?) or actress(?) or something like that--not a trained medical person. But I gave it a chance and it certainly has given me something to think about! I certainly disagree with some parts and get confused by other parts, but it is well reasoned and quite open-minded in giving many different avenues for treating and preventing cancer.

Many contrasting ideas--meat:no meat/fruit:no fruit--some combining ideas with the medical establishment and some only following so-called alternative ideas. No "one way" just lots to think about. And here is the main thing I am thinking about! I have had harsh chemo for 4 months (gave me neuropothy in my feet so I have to take "semi-helpful" pills each day) and then Avastin for a year. The oncologist said the we weren't even sure that it worked according to the research--it did not work! Even at over $30,000 for each treatment!!

Some of the various alternative doctors interviewed in the book say they have cured cancer! When pressured to explain, they readily admit that doesn't mean they can cure everyone, maybe just 30% or 30-50% or some higher. Contrast this with my oncologists(2) who have told me time and time again that there is no cure! No only that but they give me 5 years to live at the outside! And I have already done 1 and 1/2.

So, if I was negative last week, this week I am certainly feeling very positive!! Yes, I still have the pains in my side, but I feel a bit better. I also have the feeling that maybe there is something out there that could work! Believe me I am really doing lots of thinking this week!!!

Enough of this for tonight, for I must get ready to go play tomorrow. One could easily guess what I am going to do in Maryland for the day, but I promise there will be no pictures!


Commentary is always welcome--especially on this blog--but for others, my email is still chandler@athens-realty.com

My last snow shovel.....

.....is the one I was using last week in all the snow. This is the kind of goofy thinking that one has while laboring under the idea that "the days are numbered." In fact, all kinds of thoughts like this tend to run through one's mind. I won't need any more shirts 'cause I won't wear them out in a short time. Or shoes, or cars, or coats, or whatever.

Now all those loved ones around me--and my own common sense--tells me that that kind of thinking is not only stupid, but certainly negative and a damn bad idea. In fact, when first diagnosed in Aug 2008, I thought it was the end of my skiing among other things. But--although somewhat less time per day than I skied last year--I went to Snowshoe, WVa, last week. And although cold and I was not sking well, it was still beautiful and fun. But...was this the beginning of the end (my last skiing!) along with snow shovels and clothes?

So, just to have more "fun in the cold", my son, Josh, and I went to Wisp Ski Resort in Md yesterday and I skied just fine!! When I was done skiing, my snow boots fell apart and I had to buy a new pair of shoes for the snow! I guess that all helps to prove that one need never be "done" with anything.

What's next? Who knows. I have agreed to participate in the OSU National Medicine Clinical Trial although I have not heard when it will start. I must admit to lots of second thoughts which I want to pursue in my next blog. Like why after all these years, can't modern medicine have more than mere "tests" and trials?

I need to rest now, for tomorrow I might just feel good enough to take another trip--physically and mentally!

Is this goofy guy's ship...

.....already sailing off into the sunset?

Perhaps the above pics of me on an old Coast Guard ship and in a lighthouse are instructive of something!

Of course all of our "ships" are moving toward the "sunset"--especially at my age. But, I do have disturbing news for myself. Apparently my cancer is not being held in check and is slowly growing. Now...how do I know this? Well, for one thing my latest CTscan reveals a thickening in some areas of the "pleura". I think I have that right, even though 2 years ago I had no idea what the hell that was! And another actually more disappointing thing is that annoying pain in my side. It is clearly with me all the time and getting worse!

What to do? Well, my oncologist has stopped giving me avastin since it is either no longer working or perhaps it really wasn't working at all. So the options are: do nothing further; take another FDA approved chemo; or go in to a "clinical trial" involving one of three computer generated options at OSU--none of which involve placebos. All tough choices, but I am certainly already in a "tough place."

This is all really bad news and I wish things were easier--but we need to deal with what we have. Right or wrong, I probably will go with the clinical trial but I am not quite ready to pull the trigger on a decision right now.

It is supposed to snow even more around here and they have great snow at Snowshoe Ski Resort in WVa right now. So in the morning I am leaving with some friends to go skiing. Lots of things different though, this year. One, I don't feel nearly as good as last year; Two, I don't plan on skiing nearly as much as in the past and only for two days; and three, we have rented a place right near the slope--no more "goin' on the cheap' for me.

I love to travel (even 200 miles). I have loved my 11 year infatuation with skiing. With the help of my wife; my children; all the other people in my life; and whatever other forces can--and do--come to my aid, I will make my decision by Monday.

Let's all see the best in everybody and always hope for the best from everybody!

Maybe too much.....

....travel that is! After the past two weeks, I feel all "traveled out"!

First some great time in Key West, then arriving back at 1:00 am Christmas morn we had a great time with a family Christmas. Then off on the 26th driving to see Anne's sister in Maryland and then the next day we drove to New York City! Of course we went to Times Square, also the large Public Library, and even to Columbus Circle where a sculpture by an Athens artist David Hostetler is at the Trump Plaza Hotel! Lots more as well, but it was colder than the North Pole (certainly colder than hell)!

After leaving NYC on the 30th and a night in Pennsylvania, I had a CT scan in Columbus--with a delicious barium swallow--yesterday (31st) and then back to Athens for New Year's eve. Too tired and not feeling well enough to go anywhere for any celebration!

Travel should be fun and it was, but the last week has been a real learning experience!! So, what the hell have I learned! Never, never, drive to Manhattan! We spent hours waiting to get into the Lincoln Tunnel going in and then going out the tunnel again was crowded, but at least I could turn and after much consternation find the route to the George Washington Bridge. What a nightmare.

So, maybe I am stupid, maybe too old to be driving in a city, or maybe just bad luck! At any rate, definitely no more driving to Manhattan!! Some would ask--with good reason--what is an old guy with a very serious illness doing all this travel for anyhow? But what is a guy to do? Take up stamp collecting? Or maybe spend more time at the office?

I have places I want to go and things I want to do and learn-- darn it. I am going to try to do a lot while I still can. If the doctors are wrong--and I sure hope that is the case--I will be able to have done even more, learned more, and seen more than I ever believed I could. And my personal "Bucket List" will be larger than ever. But, for now, I need a bit of rest.

Please have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!